How To Feel Better About Procrastinating
By Alice Simon, Features Editor
Have you ever looked at someone in the Boole library and thought; How are they doing this? I’m referring to the people who live and breathe the library. They’re likely always sitting in the same corner, a mango-flavored Monster can in hand, their eyes red as blood. You think to yourself; That looks like torture, and yet, they keep coming back.
I would love to pretend that I am one of those people. That I can sit still for over an hour without my thoughts being invaded by my newest fixation. All of that to say, that my last article is just an excuse for me to infodump, and point out every little thing that helped me - not only survive - but thrive this academic year. I feel confident enough to assume that whoever is reading this needs a well-deserved break, seeing as I haven’t been able to find a seat in the library for the past two weeks. So, take this opportunity to distract yourself. I don’t care if it means handing in your essay one minute before the deadline, I’m here to tell you that procrastinating will save you, and I have 0 scientific evidence to back this claim up. Either way, pick something out from this list that speaks to you, and spiral into a hole of endless dilly-dallying with me.
Tip 1: Collect useless pieces of cardboard
Don’t ask me about the monetary implications of this. What my bank account looks like is none of your business. Just buy yourself an overpriced pack of Pokémon cards, and enjoy the slight serotonin boost you get from seeing a little holographic piece of paper with a silly dude printed on it. To waste even more time, consider decorating the card. Get a bunch of remarkably ugly stickers and give that Pokémon card a personal touch. It doesn’t even have to be a Pokémon card. You can print out pictures of your favorite middle-aged actor and turn them into sparkly heaven. Take, for example, Noah Wyle (Robby in The Pitt), or Carrie Coon (Laurie in The White Lotus) and enhance your parasocial bond by carrying their pictures around, pretending they are your husband or wife away at war. This is not weird at all, I promise everyone will still think you’re normal.
Tip 2: Listen to overly upbeat J-Pop
F5ve in the music video for ‘Magic Clock’
Listen, I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at me, but I can assure you, this will take away your pain. No more wallowing in your misery by listening to sad music when you’re already depressed. Pull up a F5ve music video and watch as your mood is instantly improved. And if you’ve never heard of F5ve, let me ask you a few questions: Are you still in the throes of Brat summer? Do you love women? If you answered yes to both of those, it is time to tune into growing Japanese sensations F5ve. Their latest track, Magic Clock, is the only sound that gets me out of bed in the morning. It is the perfect combination of infectious and silly, which is exactly what you need when you’re suffering from academic demotivation. Plus, they’re releasing their own photocards! So you can kill two birds with one stone by listening to beautiful women and spending too much money on pictures you could just print out yourself.
Tip 3: Wear funky tights
Bug tights by PikuPajku
Don’t ask me how this improves your motivation to study, but it really does. When I say funky tights, by the way, I don’t just mean getting bright coloured ones from a costume shop. I mean, buy plain white tights and print the weirdest stuff on them. Bugs, calico critters, Blythe dolls, Gerard Way’s face... the possibilities are endless; you can even make a date out of it! Imagine you and your friends looking equally deranged as you don your weird-girl tights. I promise you, it will make you feel like the manic pixie dream girl to end all manic pixie dream girls, which in turn will give you the impression that you can take on the whole world. Whether that is true or not, doesn’t matter, as long as it makes you feel better about MLA citation (not speaking from personal experience).
Tip 4: Watch bad found-footage horror films
Butterfly Kisses dir. Erik Kristopher Myers (2018)
If you have the stomach for it, this is probably the best tip on my list. It will simultaneously distract you from focusing on your workload while keeping you up at night, bustling with new essay ideas. I have always thought of horror as the superior film genre because it allows for a lot of creative flexibility. In particular, the found footage subgenre is one of the most neglected ones in terms of critical reception. I’m not going to lie: there are a lot of bad found-footage horror films out there, especially if you scroll on Prime Video for too long. But when you find a gem, it can be overwhelmingly creepy and effective. Recently, I watched Butterfly Kisses and found that for the first time in a while, I was having trouble sleeping after. Because I couldn’t sleep, I started doing random research for my thesis procrastination can transform into productivity if you so will it, my friend.
Tip 5: Take a quick nap in the Q3 sleeping pod
The beautiful Q3 sleeping pod
Do make sure that you set an alarm, please. Emphasis on a QUICK nap. The first time I tried this, I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep in the library, and yet, I woke up forty minutes later fully disoriented. I will say that naps generally make me feel worse than better, for some evil reason, but napping in the library feels less horrible than doing it at home. The sleeping pod makes a weird white-noise sound when you enable the massage function, which is strangely hypnotizing. So if you’ve been staring at a blank Word document for hours, I highly recommend trying it out.
Tip 6: Replace TikTok with Instagram Reels
Martin and Hamzah from Slushynoobz
Why, you might ask? Isn’t it the same thing? No, it’s not. For some reason, my Instagram algorithm prioritises showing me random people feeding their frogs, rather than niche micro-influencers recommending skincare products. Ever since I deleted TikTok a year ago, I can’t say I have really missed it. But sometimes I do find myself craving the odd silly clip. Turning to Instagram Reels has satiated that need, while also introducing me to my favorite YouTube duo. While I’m tempted to gatekeep them, I’m watching them as I write this, so they have been a key part of my academic year. If you’ve never heard of Slushynoobz, you’re in for a cringe-ridden, wild ride. For some reason, they itch a part of my brain that I didn’t even know existed, and they keep me sane during long evenings of essay research.
Hopefully, there was something in this list for you. If there wasn’t, you might just be a very boring person, but even then, I’ve managed to make you procrastinate for long enough to reach the end of this article. The moral of the story is: if I’m going down, you’re all going down with me. And yes, I’m taking my Pokémon cards and my funky tights with me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an essay to pretend to write.
